Rhymin' and Stealin' F.A.Q.

A.K.A. Everything you ever wanted to know about Daniel Talsky's 31st Birthday , Jacob Sayles 30th Birthday and Housewarming Party but never got a chance to ask.

Were these questions really frequently asked?

No, especially since I did this page before I even sent out the invitation. It's actually a NABAQ, or Never Asked But Anticipated Questions.

How old are you going to be?

31.

What about Jacob?

30. 30 spankings. Jacob likes spankings, and I'm pretty sure he likes them hard.

Where is this godforsaken place known as Wedgwood?

It's northeast Seattle. It's a nice semi-sleepy neighborhood about twice as far from downtown as the University District. I know that sounds far but it's not Kent for crying out loud, it only takes 20 minutes to drive there. Carpool or something people, this is my birthday we're talking about here!

If you're driving, here's the google maps location. It's on the very end of a dead end street. If you come after 9pm come around the back, don't knock on the front door and wake my nice upstairs neighbors up.

If you're bussing, I'm happy to provide walking directions from the nearest bus stop. God bless you, traveller.

Why Rhymin' and Stealin'?

I wanted to use the word rhyming instead of rap because it's really the rhyming and creative use of language part I like, but then it's not clear that it's the kind of rhyming inspired by the hip hop tradition.

So, I named it after a hip hop song. But, I don't want people actually stealing my stuff and thinking it's in the spirit of the party, so I want to be clear: the stealing refers to kissing only.

What does it mean to steal a kiss?

Stealing in this case is like this definition from The American Heritage Dictionary:

2. To get or effect surreptitiously or artfully: steal a kiss; stole the ball from an opponent.

Stealing a kiss is when you get close to someone's face on some other pretense, and then just kiss them like they meant to kiss you. For the purposes of this party we're going to assume that they wanted to kiss you back, but were just too shy.

Now this is dicey, because consent is good, but stealing a kiss implies kissing someone without strict consent. So, if you show up, you are on some level consenting to have a kiss stolen from you. If this is really a dealbreaker, just wear a small sign that says "I do not consent to being kissed." or I guess stay away.

If you are a potential kisser, please do not kiss someone wearing a sign that explicitly revokes consent or I will nonconsensually bitchslap you.

What if I don't want to be kissed, but I also don't want to look like a dope for wearing a sign? (Note, actual FAQ so pay attention!)

Well, I have heard some nervous concern, so kiss stealers, please do your best to temper your devilishness with good taste.

As for the reluctant stealee...

My personal favorite solution is just to keep a sharp eye out, and dodge! Then ridicule the failed kiss stealer for their pathetic attempt.

Otherwise, I'm going to bring little nametags. I'll think of something cool to write on yours, revoking your consent explicitly, like "Kus? Nein!". I doubt you'll be the only one.

What if I don't like rap?

I think a lot of people who don't like rap have never heard the kind of smooth, smart hip hop I like. In any case, just come to celebrate my life and birth and show me some love.

You're a white guy from Northern Illinois, what do you know about rap or black culture?

I just like it, it's a culture I admire...the bad and the good. There's a lot of messages I'm not on board with, but there's a lot said that's realistic and powerful.

Plus, it's just going to be hilarious to hear me rap about being a pimp.

How about the BBQ?

From 3pm to 8:30pm or so, it's just a freeform housewarming party. Come anytime during this period of time...earlier if you want to have time to relax and drink beers with me and have a chance to talk, and later if you want to see other people or just have other things to do that day.

We're gonna fire up the grill at 5-6 or whenever we feel like it, and we'll have an assortment of basic grillments and beer for vegetarians and non-vegetarians alike. If you want something fancy or feel generous, then please bring something to eat or drink. I probably can't feed everyone.

Housewarming? You've lived there for over two years!

Yes, and I've warmed the house in many ways...but never thrown a party here. It just took me this long to get my shit together and throw a rager.

Also, I just moved my office home, so now it really is Fortress Talsky! I'm gonna install a disco ball and rap, you can tell I'm serious.

Kids?

Up to 9pm, please, bring 'em. If it's after 9, please call me and talk to me about your kid.

What's the Performance deal?

Starting at 9:30pm I will be emceeing a little rhyme performance. I'm going to bust a few, and I'd like to see some other talented people perform as well. The spirit is hip hop, but if that's not your style feel free to bust a nursery rhyme, limerick, or greeting card message, as long as an argument could be made that it rhymes.

If you want to perform a rhyme, let me know. I'm probably doing my own rhymes a capella, but you can do beats if you can bring them in some digital format.

I would love it if someone would help me record digitally. If you have such equipment, please say hi.

When we're done we'll just party and play dance music and turn on the disco ball and steal kisses and try not to piss the neighbors off too bad. They have kids. But hey, this is the only party I've ever thrown.

Can I have some songs for inspiration?

Sure. Here's some: